Rebroadcast • How Not to Be an A-Hole In Your Marriage with Brian Ronalds
Brian Ronalds is an actor turned writer/producer/director and is half of “The Ronalds Brothers." You can see Brian in the horror-comedy, Netherbeast Incorporated, directed by his brother, Dean, and in many other credits which do NOT include why he’s with us in the Toaster today.
Brian joins us as author of a series of books designed to guide you through your marriage assuming that you don’t actually want it to end: How Not to be an A-Hole Husband and Lose Your Wife, and (among others) it’s partner, How Not to be an A-hole Wife and Lose your Husband.
The books present the journey of rebuilding your marriage in the form of brief parables, directives to explore over thirty days aimed to refocus on what matters between you and your spouse: the relationships itself. They come from a deeply personal place for Brian, modeling the experience he wished he’d had as he was navigating the dissolution of his own marriage.
Links & Notes
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Pete Wright:
Welcome to How to Split a Toaster, a divorce podcast about saving your relationships, from TruStory FM. Today we're taking on the most sacred question in any marriage: should I stop being an a-hole right now and save my marriage?
Seth Nelson:
Welcome to the show, everyone. I am Seth Nelson. I am so excited today because we have Brian Ronalds on. Pete, you've just got to tell everyone about Brian because I am not going to do this justice, especially with, should I stop being an a-hole?
Pete Wright:
You can try. Brian Ronalds is an actor turned writer, producer, director. He's precisely half of The Ronalds Brothers. You can see Brian in the horror comedy, Netherbeast Incorporated, directed by his brother, Dean, and in many other credits, which do not include why he's here today. He joins us as author of two books designed to guide you through your marriage, assuming you don't actually want it to end: How Not to Be an A-hole Husband and Lose Your Wife, and its partner, How Not to Be an A-hole Wife and Lose Your Husband. Welcome, Brian Ronalds, to the Toaster.
Brian Ronalds:
Thank you. Thanks for having me on, fellows.
Pete Wright:
Seth, you read the book last night.
Seth Nelson:
Oh, yes. Read the book, skimmed... When I say, "Read the book," it's How Not to Be an A-hole Husband and Lose Your Wife. Read that in its entirety. Also, started skimming the How Not to Be an A-hole Wife and Lose Your Husband, though I have not finished that one. I thought the How Not to Be an A-hole Husband and Lose Your Wife just had some brilliant advice. I'm a little annoyed at Brian that he didn't write that book back in 2001, and 2, and 3, when I was married for the very short three years of my marriage, which, as my girlfriend who was married for 15 years says, "Three years is not a marriage. It is a long weekend."
Brian Ronalds:
Pretty much.
Pete Wright:
Did you find it resonate, Seth? Did you find he's speaking gospel to you? We should say it's a very approachable book. You open the book, and it's like the Jonathan Livingston Seagull for the wisdom of, you don't want to be an a-hole divorce.
Seth Nelson:
Well, Brian, how would you describe your book? You've been asked this question, I'm sure, before.
Brian Ronalds:
I would describe the book as a ridiculously easy 30-day guide in today's day and age with Twitter only allowing a certain amount of characters within a given post. I thought our attention spans are being cut down, so I wanted to do just that and do 30 days. Basically, it's two pages a day to read through with some eye-opening words of encouragement and recommendations on how to look yourself in the mirror and see if you're doing a good job as a man and a husband.
Pete Wright:
As I'm reading it yesterday, I'm thinking to myself, "It's a special sort of transformation that takes a guy from, 'Ah, I got divorced and my life is torn asunder,' to, 'I think I'm going to write a book about all the crap I did wrong.'" Let's let's talk about that, Brian. How did you get in into this space to write this book?
Brian Ronalds:
I was married for 17 years, which is longer than a long weekend. It's more of a vacation that got turned into a nightmare. To answer your question, reflecting and looking back on how things I could have done differently is what had me engaged myself to actually putting a pen to paper and writing some advice, so other men don't have to fall into the trap of what I did. I wouldn't even call it a trap. It's just becoming a better human being all the way around. I was working a lot in the movie business. I brought my work home quite a bit.
Brian Ronalds:
I would say the biggest takeaway for me amongst all the other chapters that I have is just, it's not what you say. It's how you say it. The way I said things, and still keep myself in check, was a way that I find inappropriate and probably most people would. There was name calling. I was not kind. I was not loving. It seemed to push my better half away into the point where before I knew it, she was checked out three years ago before I even knew what the hell was going on.
Seth Nelson:
Look at that, Pete. Three years.
Pete Wright:
Three years. Look at that.
Seth Nelson:
Remember that?
Pete Wright:
Yes.
Seth Nelson:
Well, Brian, the reason I'm saying is, in one of our shows... I've read studies on this. It takes about three years for someone to first think they want a divorce until it actually happens. Here you are talking about your experience, and you're like, "Wow, it was three years, checked out." To your credit, Brian, I found it very impressive that you took the time to be self-reflective because in the book about not being an a-hole husband, it's all about the mistakes that you believe you made in that relationship.
Seth Nelson:
For someone to be post-divorce, to take the time to write that, and to be very self-inflicted to help others, I think, is phenomenal. I don't think the book is just if you're currently married. I think if you're already divorced, this might be, hey, what went wrong? What can I do better next time or in the relationship that I'm currently in? I found that to be just kudos to you. Thank you for putting it out there.
Brian Ronalds:
Thank you.
Pete Wright:
I want to pivot on that question because I think it's really important. We talk a lot about the work that you have to do and own in the process of going through the divorce experience. At what point do you realize, as you're going through this and you realize your marriage is on a decline, that there is work for you to do, to take ownership and to start doing the heavy lifting sort of inside, to know that you're on a track to be the guy that you want to be in a relationship?
Brian Ronalds:
Well, I panicked because I thought this was the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We'd been through some stuff like any other normal relationship would go through. I thought our marriage was... You couldn't touch it. Like I said, we had gone through a lot of stuff.
Brian Ronalds:
At the same point, what I didn't know is that my wife at the time was overlapping our marriage with another man, so that kind of threw that into there. Then I thought, "Okay, okay. I've done wrong. You've done wrong. Let's fix this." We started going to therapy. Little did I know that I was going to therapy on how to deal with the divorce. I thought I was going to therapy on how to make the marriage better.
Pete Wright:
Right.
Brian Ronalds:
We were both going to the same therapist, but I thought-
Seth Nelson:
Two different reasons.
Brian Ronalds:
For two different reasons.
Seth Nelson:
Right. I will tell you the therapist I've always talked to you that said, "If you're going to therapy, the very first thing is, is someone already checked out?" Because as you said, if they're checked out, that relationship's done.
Brian Ronalds:
Humans... Once someone checks out, they're done. There's nothing you can say.
Pete Wright:
Oh, it's not just on women. It's both sides, either side.
Brian Ronalds:
Exactly. Humans in general. I mean, we've been divorced for seven years now, I believe. She admits now that she regrets everything. Then she wished she would've stuck with the marriage on how her life path took her. She's doing great now. You're right. If somebody has checked out, it's really hard to come back from.
Pete Wright:
You say something early in the book, "Crazy epidemic we're facing nowadays. Husbands are sticking around in their marriages while women are slamming the doors with middle fingers in the air, never to turn back again. What the hell is going on?" I'm curious on both of your perspectives. One, Brian, how do you arrive at that? What do you think allows us to arrive at that trend? Seth, is that what you're seeing in the people who come to you for divorce?
Brian Ronalds:
Yes. When she left, she had already made up her mind, and there was nothing I could say or do. It was basically, again, middle finger in the air. The doors slammed. Get ready for a divorce. Here it comes.
Seth Nelson:
What I see, Pete... This is historical, I think, in nature, is back in the '50s, right, the guy would be the one to leave. A woman would very, very rarely, leave. Divorce was very infrequent. The laws were dramatically different back then. Basically, the women would raise the children and get the children. The dad or their husband would be not really a parent anymore. Then there would be all these financial deals that had to be paid. Much different now across the country... This is where I'm always the lawyer. Check in your local jurisdiction. Talk to a lawyer who's licensed to practice law in your jurisdiction. It is just dramatically a different landscape.
Seth Nelson:
Also, the historical... Women would go to college to meet a man. That is not why women go to college today. There are more women in law school than there are men. There is just a different dynamic when it comes to finances, so I think that changes the dynamic. I see women leaving men. I see men leaving women. Now in our same-sex marriages, men are leaving men, and women are leaving women.
Seth Nelson:
I see it across the board. There is not one reason why people get divorced. People think the guy always cheats. I have it where women have been the one who have cheated. People think that, "Oh my God. What's wrong with that person?" because they've cheated. My question is, well, how did it get to that point? How did it get to that someone's cheating?
Seth Nelson:
If you read Brian's book, this is a way to talk about to prevent things like that from happening. For example, I just thought this was... It's day six in his book, which is, listen, listen, listen, which basically... I'm paraphrasing here, Brian, and correct me if I'm wrong. It basically says when you first started dating, you would hang on every word. Now that you're married, you get home, you do this. You don't really ever listen. You're on your phones. We're all addicted to those. Put down the phone and fucking listen. Ask, how was your day? and really mean it. Don't take, "Oh, okay." Well, how did your day make you feel?
Seth Nelson:
There's different ways to ask the question, but just listening, pouring a glass of wine, and saying, "Hey, I just want to hear about your day." That's actually easy. That's easier than going to fix the toilet, right, or trying to be a hero and do all these things for your spouse. Just listen. I didn't get through the whole woman's book, but I'm sure, Brian, that's probably in there as well, where you're asking her to just stop doing whatever she's doing and listen. Is that accurate?
Brian Ronalds:
It is. There's definitely a dichotomy between the two books, but the chapter you're speaking about is that I thought my life was way more important than hers because I was the one doing stuff. I mean, all she was doing was just raising our two sons, keeping a wonderful home, cooking dinner, making sure everything... No, that's not all she was doing. She was doing equally what I was doing, if not more. I didn't realize that. When she was talking, all I was doing is thinking of what I was going to say next. I wasn't listening.
Pete Wright:
When you're writing the book, are you putting yourself in the space of, I think these are the things I could have done to save my marriage?
Brian Ronalds:
Absolutely. My book is a letter to men who are trying to save their marriage. It's a letter, also, to men who are going to get married on how to maintain a healthy relationship, and keep a positive attitude, and to love their wife the way they loved them from the very first day that they met them and formed that beautiful relationship up until death do them part.
Pete Wright:
What's your ex-wife think of the book, your former spouse? She read it?
Brian Ronalds:
Yes, she's read it. I think she liked the one about how not to be an a-hole husband better than one about how not to be an a-hole wife.
Seth Nelson:
Fair point.
Brian Ronalds:
Once I wrote this first book, then I came up with, okay, this book is a book for dummies. I can literally write about anything. How am I going to get these husbands to read this book other than put it on the coffee table and say, "Ha ha. Look at this funny book title." That's what inspired me to write the wife's version because when she brings the book home to her husband, she goes, "Oh. Honey, by the way, I have one for me too. You can read your version. I can read my version because I think we should both together learn on how to become better people together."
Seth Nelson:
Brian, when we were talking about having you on the show, we're getting this book. Pete did something that I didn't know that he does when he goes to Google reviews. I thought it was very interesting. He starts by reading the one-star reviews.
Pete Wright:
Have you read your one-star reviews?
Brian Ronalds:
I read all my reviews. I do. The one-star review on the wife book is hilarious.
Pete Wright:
Well, I haven't gotten to the wife book one. My favorite are always the Amazon customer, one star, "I haven't tried it." I think that in spite of those real contribution to intellectual rigor of Amazon, there is one that I'm curious if you could talk about. It's somebody who doesn't like the book. I'm not asking you to defend the book in any way. I just think that we can... It might be an opportunity to frame it in a way for people who have yet to read the book.
Pete Wright:
This is a review. It says, "I bought this book for my husband. I couldn't give it to him because I was embarrassed. The content is useless. The language is awful. It carries a sexist theme throughout the pages: make dinner for her once a week, help her with the dishes. WTF. This isn't 1950. It's that mentality which is perpetuating inequality of the sexes."
Pete Wright:
No. We swear like sailors around here. We have no problem with the language. The issue with the perpetuating stereotypes in examples that you give... Is that something that you reflect on as you're writing the book or that you've reflected on since?
Brian Ronalds:
I can understand where she's coming from, where she's like, "This guy is... " She turned it on me a little bit.
Pete Wright:
She did.
Brian Ronalds:
Yes. She turned it on me. What I meant to say was take the things that she's doing, and maybe you do it for her every once in a while.
Seth Nelson:
Brian, that's very interesting that you say that because, Pete, before the show said, "Seth, I start with this one-star reviews." I thought that was just funny, and he read it. I said that exact same thing in a different way. I said when I'm explaining legal concepts to people or anything, it's a way to communicate the concept, is to give a stereotypical view because people get the stereotype. Not that it's appropriate, not that it's accurate, not that it is the way things should be, but it is a way to convey the information.
Seth Nelson:
When we talk about alimony a lot, I'll say... Sorry to be stereotypical. If the wife is receiving alimony, the former wife is receiving alimony, which is stereotypical... The man made the money, now has to pay it to the former spouse. That's not in every case, by any stretch of the imagination, but it's a way to get the concept going.
Seth Nelson:
When I read your book, I definitely saw where a critique would be, "Well, look. It's very '50-ish. Do the dishes. Do this." When I read it, I actually said what Brian is telling me is whatever something she is doing that is deemed a chore, take that chore on for her as a way to show that you appreciate her and giving her the night off, or the day off, or whatever the case may be.
Seth Nelson:
Now, I will tell you that my cousin... His wife mows of the lawn. I actually think she's afraid he'll hurt himself. For example, that might be something that he might do for her to give her a break. Now, I think she loves being out there doing it, and that's one of the reasons they do it. All relationships... Duties do get divided, right? It's just the way we work together.
Seth Nelson:
Pete, we've talked about before. Someone will pay the bills. The other one will go to the grocery store. My aunt used to make the grocery list, and my uncle would go to the store. It's all just how you guys work. Is that what you were kind of saying, Brian, is whatever the chore might be, take it on for that spouse.
Brian Ronalds:
100%. What I did learn from this book is that people can take your words and turn around on you. At the end of the day, you know where your heart was coming from and what you were saying. I would say that most people take your perspective of, he's just trying to make some sense out of it into terms where everybody can understand.
Pete Wright:
We start with the one stars, but the book has some extraordinarily strong four or five-star reviews for people who are using this. They're trying it, and it's helping their marriages, right? To your point, Seth, it's helping them learn the love language of their spouse, right, of their partner, how to just be a more generous and joyous partner in the relationship. I think that's a pretty special thing to have contributed to the world. If you have not read it yet, please take it with that. This is a language that I think speaks in the way sort of men think and speak to a way that really attaches their head to heart.
Seth Nelson:
I mean, he lays it out there. He'll say quipping an idiot, right? He'll drop the F-bomb, no problem, right? He'll talk about sex. On that note, he says, "Kiss your wife. Kiss her neck." When you first started dating, you didn't just go have straight sex, right? There was something called foreplay, right? Brian says it in such a way... Don't forget what got you here. Don't forget all those times when you were courting each other.
Pete Wright:
Here's that bit. He says, "Kiss her sexy mouth." I'm reading that. I'm not divorced. I've been married for 20 years, and I'm thinking, "Gosh, she does have a sexy mouth." I think I'm reading this book, and I kind of want to go kiss it. It's actually awesome. I want to go treat her better as a result of reading this divorced porn.
Brian Ronalds:
That's wonderful.
Seth Nelson:
When you read this book though, the chapters are all of two pages. They're very just kind of step-by-step of, here's a quick topic. It might be adore her, or it might be affectionate in what she wants. It could be use kind words. It's all these little things that you can do. None of them, frankly, take a lot of effort. I would imagine that if people are implementing this, they're going to get a lot of positive feedback from their spouse, which then encourages the behavior, because we're all just trained animals, right? We just are on that hamster wheel.
Brian Ronalds:
It is gritty. I wanted to be gritty with my language. I wanted to be gritty with the sex because... You know what? Marriage can get gritty. If you know me, you can hear these words just slip out from my mouth, which I put a pen to paper, as I mentioned before. Am I going to pull any punches the way I talk? No. Are people going to relate to me with the way I talk? Yes. Is it going to offend some people? Probably, but I was okay with that because you can tell the spirit of these books is to be helpful, kind, caring, loving, giving, all these types of things you want to be in a relationship.
Seth Nelson:
I do have a question about day 28. This is don't compartmentalize. The reason I'm asking about this is I have, in my job, to deal with some very difficult situations sometimes. I have to deal with domestic violence issues with clients, with children being put in very compromising situations and being physically and sexually abused. I have to deal with those types of issues. My girlfriend will tell me, "I will ask about your day," but if it's something that's really bad like that, she actually doesn't want to hear about that because it's so upsetting to her. I do compartmentalize. I'll talk to her. She'll say, "How was your day?" I'll be, "It's one of those days that I can't talk to you about. You don't want to hear it."
Seth Nelson:
I respect that because these are tough, tough things. If you're a police officer on the murder beat, you don't necessarily want to come home and talk about the murder that you saw that day or had to investigate, right? Can you just kind of talk through that a little bit? because I felt like the don't compartmentalize... I thought that less like TV dinners or more like Popeye's was a great example. Can you just kind of talk us through that one part?
Brian Ronalds:
Sure. I had learned to... I was maybe talking about her a little bit in this and then reflected on myself. What you were talking about, yes, you don't want to bring home the bad, especially if you've already talked with your spouse about, "Hey, I don't want to know that stuff," so you respect that. I try very hard. That's why I am who I am in this book, that I'm going to talk to you the way I'm talking to my kid, or I'm going to talk to you the way I'm going to talk to a pastor, or a lawyer, or my wife, or her mother, or my mother. I pull no punches with my mother. My parents have read this book. They think it's horrifying and awful because of the language. There's the sex that I talk about.
Seth Nelson:
There's the one-star review from Mom.
Pete Wright:
There it is. That's it.
Seth Nelson:
Right there.
Pete Wright:
I think we found it.
Brian Ronalds:
Yes. They don't get it. My dad gets it, but my mom was like, "Why do you have to use such horrible language?" I'm like, "Well, Mom, that's the way I fucking talk." She gets it. She gets it, and she respects it. Compartmentalizing... It is almost impossible, but it's doable. I think you can do it by just being your true self no matter who you're talking to, and no matter who you're around, and what situation that you're in.
Seth Nelson:
Got you. Be more true to yourself. Be who you are. Don't try to be one thing, one place, and one thing, another. Now we all have roles to play, right? I appreciate that. I've always talked to my son at an age appropriate level, but even sophisticated concepts, right?
Brian Ronalds:
Exactly true.
Seth Nelson:
I'm with you.
Brian Ronalds:
That's what I was trying to share in that. Also, people compartmentalize it and just hide it away. Let's just say a married couple... The wife is cheating on her husband. When she gets home, she puts it away. It didn't happen. It's gone. I compartmentalized it. I don't go back into that compartment until I go back and do that horrible thing again. That's another way to look at it.
Pete Wright:
As I read the book and now having talked to you for a while, I absolutely can sort of feel you in the words on the page. How do you pivot that and now write from a perspective of the woman who doesn't want to be an a-hole wife?
Brian Ronalds:
Great question. Well, I try to put myself in their shoes, but I think it was harder to write How Not to Be an A-hole Husband because it's really looking into myself. It's hard to look in the mirror sometimes. How to not be an a-hole wife... Oh, I got a lot of advice ladies for you. I think I do it in such a way where I'm not being mean. I'm just saying, hey, this is what I would like to see in my future wife and my future relationships. I kind of felt like the second book was a little bit easier. There's actually a third and fourth book too. There's How Not to Be an A-hole Boyfriend and Lose Your Girlfriend and the other one that goes with that.
Pete Wright:
Man, it's the whole a-hole series. It's like an a-hole cinematic universe.
Brian Ronalds:
Like I mentioned before, like a book for dummies, because the next book I'm writing is How Not to Be an A-hole Boss and Lose Your Employees and How Not to Be an A-hole Employee and Lose Your Job.
Pete Wright:
Look at you. That's fantastic.
Seth Nelson:
I mean, what I just found interesting specifically, Brian, about what you said is how it's easier to write about the other spouse because it's almost like you're complaining, right? In what I do, people will call. I think this is a mistake when dealing with your lawyer. They will call, and they will want to tell me all about their spouse and all the bad things their spouse does. I want them to focus on them, and what is their life going to be like during this process of divorce? What is their life going to look like after divorce?
Seth Nelson:
There is a time and a place to talk about the behaviors of the spouse when it comes to how that fits into the law and how that's going to divide assets if someone was hiding money. How it comes for parenting kids if they're just never around, or the way they deal with the children. Is it appropriate? Or the way they feed them. All these things... There is a time for that, but that is not the time in the first conversation, is to talk to a lawyer and complain about your spouse because you're not getting any real information about the law or how this process works. I know Pete has some questions for you about how you've written this book, which is reflective after divorce. How was the actual process of divorce, right, Pete?
Pete Wright:
We would like to turn our attention now to your divorce process, if you're comfortable talking about it. What was it like working with your lawyer?
Brian Ronalds:
I actually did not use a lawyer for-
Seth Nelson:
Oh, Brian, come on. God, I thought things were going so well between us. Oh brutal.
Brian Ronalds:
Well, we were separated for almost, I don't know, two years. In that two-year process, I just shut down. I stopped wanting to work. I stopped wanting to bring in money. Then we were faced with a bankruptcy. Usually, the wife gets half of everything that the man has brought in. I thought, "Well, perfect."
Seth Nelson:
Because that's not sexist, right? Right?
Brian Ronalds:
At the time I was thinking, "Perfect. She can have half of everything that I have, which is absolutely fucking nothing."
Pete Wright:
Nothing.
Seth Nelson:
Right. Here's why I had the response, or I'll even say reaction, because I didn't give it any thought, is first off, in Florida... Check your local jurisdiction. You don't need a lawyer to get a divorce, okay, at all. Florida law, you can go in there without lawyers, and you can reach a settlement agreement without lawyers. You can reach a settlement agreement without knowing what the law is. There are websites from the clerk of the courts that will give you all the forms to fill out.
Seth Nelson:
The reason why I have the response that I have is I think making informed decisions are important. It's not a lawyer's job to tell a client, "Don't enter into this agreement." It's a lawyer's job to say, "It is your choice whether you want to enter in this agreement or not, but the law would give you more, or the law wouldn't require you to do this or that." I believe in self-determination I think clients get to make their decisions. It's their "farm" to give away, in quotes. If they want to give the "farm" away, they can give it away. I just think they should be informed.
Seth Nelson:
What always does make me nervous is when there is an agreement, you're basically creating a contract. That makes me nervous if that has to come back to court, and we're going to have to say, what did we mean? What does it say? How does it work? Those are the things that give me pause. I do appreciate the sentiment of the scariness of dealing with a lawyer or in Brian's case... Look, we've been separated for two years. What's left to do? Let's just get this done. That's just my knee-jerk reaction. I do not mean to diminish Brian's right or his own choice of... You know what? We didn't want to deal with lawyers. I get it.
Brian Ronalds:
It's expensive. It's expensive to go down that road. I did try to go down that road and just talking to a lawyer is expensive. I got the information that I needed that I learned from uncle Google, and matched it, and paralleled what they were saying verse uncle Google.
Seth Nelson:
Oh. Now you're really killing me.
Pete Wright:
There's a shiv involved.
Seth Nelson:
You've just replaced my hard work in law school and my bar license with a Google search. My cousin has a mug. He's a doctor. He says, "Don't replace my medical degree with Google." Here I am, having Brian on the show to say, call uncle Google.
Brian Ronalds:
You know what? Some people don't even know how to use a computer, so I think you're in good shape still.
Pete Wright:
You're in good shape, right? You're okay. Well, in all seriousness, Brian, I really appreciate that you went down this road, the two of you on your own. From the perspective of being in a dark place, how did it... She served you? How did that all unravel? Just in short strokes, how did it come apart for you?
Brian Ronalds:
During that time, I was making a feature. I was producing feature films one year after the other, after the other, after the other. Living in Hollywood and living a very fast life, you have to be on your toes and what the heck is going on at all times. When all this happened, I wanted to leave. I wanted to take my children away from that environment because it was already dark and gloomy already. I can always go back in the movie business, but what I can't do is have this time with my children who are now 17 and 14.
Brian Ronalds:
Again, that was seven years ago. They were little. I'll never regret leaving Los Angeles because I know Los Angeles isn't going anywhere. What I would have regretted is going through these dark times and trying to grasp onto everything that I could in Hollywood while losing time raising my boys. By moving from Los Angeles to where I live now, it slowed my life down completely. It helped me get a grasp, helped me write these books with no distractions. I got to raise my boys. I'll have no regrets for doing that.
Seth Nelson:
That makes absolute sense to me. I think the biggest takeaway for me from that perspective, Brian, is slow down. If you want more time with your children, put down your cellphone. Be engaged. Be present. Even some of the stuff in the book that you talk about, "Hey, make dinner with your spouse," and how romantic that can be... You can cook with your children, get them involved. Those type of activities that you're discussing in your life is general.
Seth Nelson:
You eliminated the hustle, and bustle, and the craziness of L.A. And being in the movie business to kind of slow down and focus on the kids. Even if you are in the hustle and bustle of your life, you can still make the deliberate decision to slow down and be present where you are at that moment. That is going to not just impact your relationship with your spouse, or your girlfriend, or your boyfriend, or your children. It's going to help you be more centered because those are the things that, ultimately, we find important.
Brian Ronalds:
100%.
Pete Wright:
This is great, you guys. Brian, thank you so much for being on the show. In spite of the fact that you didn't use an attorney, on a show about divorce attorneys, we deeply appreciate the contributions you're making to helping people.
Seth Nelson:
Now with all these books taking off and he's be rolling in dough, he'll be calling for a prenup. That's when he's coming up next. I still got my chance there. Still got my chance.
Brian Ronalds:
Haven't missed it out yet.
Seth Nelson:
Nailed it.
Pete Wright:
Would you give us a plug? Where would you like people to go learn more? I can't believe it. I am dutifully embarrassed about not picking up on the other books, a boyfriend, girlfriend, and the boss thing coming. Where do you want people to go learn more about this stuff?
Brian Ronalds:
I mean, we have a Facebook page. I mean, we're almost at 40,000 followers over the last few years, which is pretty cool. Then all the books are on Amazon. If you Google my first and last name on Amazon, the books will pop up. There's links all over Facebook, also, on the like page.
Pete Wright:
Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. All those links will be in the show notes. Seth, how do you feel? Did you learn something today?
Seth Nelson:
I did. I learned a lot from Brian. I learned a lot from reading his book. I certainly connected with some of the different chapters. Brian, I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write this book, and be self-reflective, and basically lay out to the world, "Hey, these are some mistakes that I might've made. Don't make the same ones." That's really giving back.
Seth Nelson:
I think if you're picking up the book and you're reading it from that perspective of someone that's gone through a divorce, or if you've gone through it and you want to be like, hey, what can I learn about what I did? in a very simple, easy read, then I really strongly recommend picking up these books and not just reading them, but putting them into practice. Brian, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Brian Ronalds:
Thank you, gentlemen. Appreciate it.
Pete Wright:
Thank you, everybody, for downloading and listening to this show. We sure appreciate you showing up and doing the work. On behalf of Brian Ronalds and the esteemed Seth Nelson, I'm Pete Wright. We'll catch you next week right here on How to Split a Toaster, a divorce podcast about saving your relationships.
Speaker 4:
Seth Nelson is an attorney with Nelson Koster Family Law and Mediation with offices in Tampa, Florida. While we may be discussing family law topics, How to Split a Toaster is not intended to nor is it providing legal advice. Every situation is different. If you have specific questions regarding your situation, please seek your own legal counsel with an attorney licensed to practice law in your jurisdiction. Pete Wright is not an attorney or employee of Nelson Koster. Seth Nelson is licensed to practice law in Florida.
